new beginnings...

and so it is, just, like you said it would be...

a new beginning. i suppose when i left i expected so much change in myself - i guess i also expected the world to wait for me. and so the obvious fact that you would - and have - changed, comes to me as a shock. its a feeling i guess parents have when they realise their children are all grown up and don't need looking after any more.

the fact that you can grow, and in fact, prosper, without your life running intertwined with mine is a foreign concept to me. i guess i've been so caught up in my own self-worth and growth that i haven't begun to deal with you yet. or at least, what you have become. it was good to see you tonight. you asked me what i was feeling. i couldn't put it into words at the time. a sense of loss, bordering on grief, for such a beautiful thing we cannot ever hope to recover. selective memories... an overpowering shock at how my feelings have changed towards you.

you were right - i hadn't dealt with them - couldn't, partially because i wasn't sure enough of myself to examine what i was, not knowing yet how i have changed to be who i am now. and partially because i couldn't define that from two thousand kilometres away.

and finally, a sense of hope. a confidence that something i had worried over so much - the possibility of a friendship with you, after the maelstrom - that this was a viable option. and i can honestly say i'm happy. its a new beginning. one i can say i'm satisfied with.

i'm proud of you. you're all grown up.

i'm glad.

for both of us.


every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...