Sunday, July 10, 2005

stop crying your heart out...

the beautiful girl...

today i feel empty. i thought she was dead. i thought she just didn't care. but she appeared, out of the blue, all over again, and i was surprised. the hurt is still there, as bad as, if not worse than when i finally realised she had disappeared.

it took all my control not to slap her last night. how dare she assume she can pick up where we left off. how dare she have the audacity to introduce me as her best friend. not after a year. not after a lifetime. all my control not to scream at her, rage, demand a well deserved explanation, shake her head off her shoulders. all of which would have been perfectly justified. i wish i could hurt her like she's hurt me.

she's beautiful. with a ring on her finger; she showed me as i was trying to explain why i was there alone. she seems happy. she seems remorseful. too drunk to offer a sincere apology, too drunk too notice how angry i was. i am. new fiance, new house, new fridge, new friends. too happy with them to notice the hurt in my eyes.

i walked out. i didn't make a scene. i'm better than that. but revenge is sweet, maturity leaves the hurt inside. she still didn't see my tears as i left.

You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile
Shine on
Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm

Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way

And stop crying your heart out.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

losing it, losing you. catalysed.

anger is a funny thing. of all the things i've ever learned its this - anger is the most powerful of emotions. when love turns to hate, something inside you dies. anger is the catalyst. i wrote a poem once. to a boy. it tells of love, it tells of hate, but it is the story of anger.

anger is a dark cloud, impenetrable unless with love. anger is easily come across, difficult to dispel. it is the one thing that rips us apart.

its ripping me apart.

isn't it funny. i hate to be angry. i love you, my friend. why are we angry?

because we are only human.

* I think I'm breaking out
I'm gonna leave you now
Theres nothing for me here, it's all the same
And even though I know
That everything might go
Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid

Way away away from here I'll be
Way away away so you can see...

Letting out the noise inside of me *